Week 146 // White Hot Room

by Mount Everest

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about

This song is about waiting and waiting and waiting for a second chance that you know is coming, and all the while trying to convince yourself that you deserve it. This week I’m starting school, and it has been a pretty long time. For the majority of the last year, this week has been on my mind in one way or another. Deciding to go back, testing, securing recommendations, writing essay after essay, applying, evaluating, making a decision, finding a place to live, moving my life, and all the while waiting, and waiting, and waiting; it has been a strange year. Graduate school is a second chance for me. For one reason or another -- perhaps mistakes I’ve made, or opportunities I’ve missed -- I’m not yet where I want to be, and what I’m doing now is my way of wresting one more chance from the fates. It was months ago that I knew that I’d have my chance, but the waiting since then has drawn out a voice inside me that is skeptical that I’ve earned it. Waiting can be like being trapped in a room with only doubts as your company, and this song is an attempt to silence those doubts. One way or another, the waiting is through, I’m leaving that room, and I’m taking my second chance.

lyrics

Toss you away
Feeling like the sole survivor
Laying in wait:
Interloper coming to find you
And you’re none the wiser

It’s down to you
Do you have to see to believe it?
Why can’t you move?
Truth: You’ve got a million reasons
You built a shrine to the street light

And it’s alright
You never meant to hide away
For the duration
It takes a certain kind
To recognize the trap
In expectation
And it wears at your patience

You’re in a white hot room
And if it burns right into you
You get gone
And it’s the truth you’re waiting on
You said right
And did wrong
For so long

Try and take your worst mistake
And just release it
Then contend that you can mend
‘Till you believe it
Your best kept secret

You’re in a white hot room
And if it burns right into you
You get gone
And it’s the truth you’re waiting on
You said right
And did wrong
For so long